"One poignant learning brought by the demise of my father is not to let a day pass without having to appreciate our elders. That we don't have to wait for them to leave us before realizing how focal their presence are or how greatly we love them. It's a heavy pain in the heart to know that there is nothing we can do anymore, once their life is through. No, we can never hear them call our names again, never hear their laughter again, never see their hands as they hold ours again, never see how they stare at us again, never get to hug them again, never get to see their smile again, and for my dad, I will never get to ride in his tricycle anymore (he is one very dependable and proud driver), never will I get fascinated with his creative furniture projects again and his joy when he sees how delighted I am of his work. No. Never again."
Our Mom
She is one simple woman with grand compassion.Never did I know nor see her look down on any person. When I was younger, I witnessed how she got bitter with life finding out that she's sick, but only to regret that she wasted long time on an unfounded agony. She eventually got well and lived a simple life with us. She gained my unfaltering admiration and respect when during the Pinatubo eruption in June 1991, with what seemed like the end of the world with sharp lightnings, large earthquakes, darkened skies (like a night it was while it was just 10:30 in the morning) and thick ash falling on all roofs (actually, collapsing roofs) and communities in the whole of Zambales, she endured the few kilometers walk just to get home to us. She was then helping my father by accepting sew repairs of pants, skirts and dresses which she delivers to her customers right after the same were done. I told you, with free delivery, she is one very compassionate woman. Haha. Oh, how proud she was while recounting how she met and was eventually interviewed by Charie Villa, a reporter at ABS-CBN during the 'walk' and is looking forward to watching herself on tv, which was at the time very impossible because all power are out due to the disaster.
Her Contagious Smile
I forgot to tell you, how she loves to smile, to giggle, to laugh. No disaster could claim that out of her. Her faith is unyielding. The power she knows that will never fail her? A mother's prayer. No doubt she could smile at anything. Or at anyone. A smile which my friends found to be very contagious. The same smile that we saw prior to her major operation which she survived victoriously. It is her strength. Her compassion, her smile. Her compassionate smile.
But when my father left us 3 months ago, the smile faded. I know it was never easy on her. She lost the one man she ever loved. The one man who never inflicted any physical pain on her. The one man who told her not to cry when he goes on to his next mission. Ah, my dad may not be perfect, he may not be the richest man, but he did everything to make good on his promises. He is our rich dad.
Her Stronghold
At first she told us she can't seem to carry on anymore. That moment is touchy on her but I know she would restore the tenacity of the mother that she is. I have witnessed how strong she was battling any other disaster for the love of her family. And I am now witnessing how weak she is, battling the loss of her beloved. Now I realize that a mother's strength is anchored on the genuine love she has for her family and not on any superficial possessions.
One time she told me how my brother assured her that we are here for her. That, I believe, was what subconsciously brought her a new hope. She never question God for everything that happened. She just let her tears roll down while praying. She never make any promise of getting back fast. She is just taking it by the minute: gathering my dad's things, listening to their favorite songs, embracing their common pillow and remembering their teenage-like conversations (even that part when they tried exploring how to use the video set-up of their non-android phone). Quite a handful, right?
Her New Hope
Oh, she's a resilient fighter. That's a give away depiction of her. But when our mom is at her weakest, that was when she was at her strongest. The hardest part in life is when you have to stand while both your feet are weak, when you have to move while all systems tell you to stay still, when you have to let you go while your heart and memory keeps on holding on, when you have to open your eyes while all you want is to close them because you see your love with eyes closed, when you have to go on while your life seemed to stand still because of pain, and when you have to be strong when you get comfortable being weak. Our mom may not be the super woman that she was once. But because we, her children, are here to support her, SHE will be at her STRONGEST in no time.
Don't worry Daddy, things are a little bit unsure sometimes, but you can let go now. With our God's support, we are holding our mom's hands.
And nothing will make her far stronger than that.
